Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Bachelor on Living in Sin

Thanks to Twitter, I know I’m not the only one who watches The Bachelor. I had been a hold out for a long time, but I gave in last season and was hooked. Reality TV is like crack. If you’re watching this season you know that last night Ben the Bachelor made his rounds visiting the remaining four contestant’s hometowns. These visits, like the rest of the show, are very awkward. Everyone sits around the table not eating and saying things like, “I think I’m falling for this guy.”

Even though these visits would have gone much differently if there were no cameras, most of them went well—as well as meeting the parents can go when your older sister throws you under the bus for skinny-dipping in Puerto Rico. But Ben’s trip to Casey B’s hometown (in the Bible Belt) didn’t go so great. Mom made it pre-tty clear that she did not want her daughter living with Ben before they were married. And dear ‘ole Dad backed her up. When Casey said she would move to California once she received the final rose, Dad sternly asked where she intended to live and he was only accepting one answer—not in sin.

While this visit came across as particularly harsh, I thought Casey’s dad was the only person on this show who has his head set right. He’s skeptical his daughter can find real love on this “dating game show” and does not want her to rush into a marriage before she knows the other person. He was clear that if Casey won, he wanted them to continue their courtship to get to know each other better.

I think this brings up an interesting debate: When do you think if the right time to move in with a person? I have to agree with Casey’s dad. You should spend time to really know that person—and really know that they will be in your life for good before you move in. I personally didn’t want to make that move until we were engaged. I knew that I didn’t want to go through a breakup while living together. No thanks.

But I want to hear what you think: What’s your ‘move in’ policy? And what did you think of Casey B’s hometown visit last night?


  1. I think couples should move in with each other when it feels right. I was not engaged when I moved in with my fiance but we had many conversations beforehand that marriage was the road we were going down. In some ways I think living together before marriage is great. You get to know each others' habits and routines. You can see firsthand how they handle money, household chores and shared responsibilities. These are things that can be sometimes be relationship deal breakers down the road. (I don't know if I could marry a man who refused to unload the dishwasher or help me clean the house!) I say better to discover this things before you get married!

  2. My hubs & I moved in together pretty quickly &, while I wouldn't recommend in for everyone, I can't imagine our story having gone any other way. No "move in" policy here- it's different for everyone. Do it when it feels right!

  3. A agree with Kate. It's really different for each relationship, and the people in each one. But personally, I'm with you. I wouldn't move in with a guy until we were engaged, or perhaps even married.

  4. My husband and I waited to move in together until we were married. We felt that living together (among other things) should be saved for marriage. Marriage brings a beautiful (and steep!) increase in commitment and we wanted to honor the fact that, until we were married, we simply hadn't made that commitment to each other or to God.